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  • Keep Breathing
    • Keep Breathing: Introduction
    • Part 1
      • Stay Grounded
      • Keep Breathing
      • Gather Information
      • Feel What You Feel
      • Take in Support
      • Pray
      • Practice Surrender
      • Notice Your Reactivity
    • Part 2
      • Realize What Is Happening to You
        Is Happening To Everyone in Your Life
      • Take Inventory
      • Let Go of Shame
      • Extend Grace
      • Show Up
      • Learn Vulnerability
      • Make Amends
      • Stay Present in Times of Waiting
    • Part 3
      • Be Still and Keep Moving
      • Know You Are Not Alone
      • Ask for Healing
      • Seek Guidance
      • Meditate
      • Pursue Peace
      • Acknowledge Death
      • Grieve
    • Part 4
      • Express Gratitude
      • Stay Open to Joy
      • Make Room for Laughter
      • Celebrate Each Day
      • Let Yourself Be Carried
      • Be Who You Are
      • Know That You Are Loved
  • Desperate Hope
    • Shocked by the Diagnosis
    • Responding to Feelings of Fear, Anxiety, and Sadness
    • Ordering Desperate Hope
  • TLC Leader’s Manual
    • Group Leader Resources
      • Introduction to TLC
      • Meeting Format
      • Notes to Group Leaders
      • When a Group Member Dies
    • Strong Feelings
      • Understanding our Feelings
      • The Emotional Roller Coaster
      • Living With Fear
      • Dealing With Depression
      • Living with Anger
      • Grieving Our Losses
      • The Experience of Gratitude
      • Celebration and Joy
      • Experiencing Peace
      • Finding Hope
    • Challenges to Faith
      • Stretching Our Faith
      • Prayer
      • Examining Our View of God
      • Healing Prayer
      • The Lord Is With Us
      • God’s Healing Presence
    • Changing Perspectives
      • The Seasons Of Survival
      • Living Sanely in An Insane World
      • One Day At A Time
      • Positive Thinking
      • Accepting Our Need for Help
      • Building Friendships
      • Perspectives on Treatment
      • Coping With Pain
      • Repairing Our Self Esteem
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Grieving Our Losses

Rejoice with those who rejoice;
and grieve with those who grieve.

Romans 12:15

Cancer brings with it many subtle and unexpected losses. Some of the losses include the loss of an innocent and care-free perspective about life; the loss of a healthy, intact body; the loss of energy; the loss of a sense of control over life; the loss of friends who could not face the cancer with us; and the loss of a sense of a certain future.

Losses need to be grieved. To grieve is to embrace the reality of change. To grieve is to open our hearts to let go of what we cannot hold onto in order to receive gifts of comfort and grace.

We need to face the reality of our losses with the support of others. We need to talk about our losses and acknowledge our feelings about our losses. We need to do this because it allows us to integrate the reality of our losses into our understandings of ourselves, of life and of God. And it allows us then to move past the pain, to new freedom and peace.

Grief is a process. It is something that unfolds slowly over time. It cannot be hurried. Bit by bit we face our losses and let go and move on. One step at a time. One day at a time.

Grief takes emotional, physical and spiritual energy. It is painful to face the reality of our losses. Because of this, we may want to avoid grief. We may want to tell ourselves that it is not so bad, or to cheer up. But if we avoid grief, we avoid facing reality. And this can be far more problematic than we realize. It is important for our physical, emotional and spiritual health that we do the important and sacred work of grieving.

“Blessed are they that mourn,” Jesus said, “for they will be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4) Jesus promised that when we do the hard work of grieving we will be comforted.

O Father,
Our refuge and our strength,
Our help in times of trouble,
Were it not for your faithfulness,
   we would hide ourselves from pain.
We would choose not to see our losses.
We would not be able to face
   what has really happened.
Man of sorrows,
   teach us to grieve.
Give us the courage to mourn
   so that one day we will be able
   to dance with joy.
We ask this in the name of Jesus,
   who was acquainted with grief.
Amen.


Activity for Session 1

Draw a table with four columns on a piece of paper.
In the first column list the losses you have experienced.
In column two, list the threats which each loss has created.
In column three, list your thoughts and feelings about each loss.
And in the fourth column list any perspectives you may have gained as a result of struggling with each loss.

Spend time discussing this as a group.

Questions for Discussion – Session 2

1. What do you do to avoid doing the hard work of grief?

2. What gives you the courage to grieve?

3. What experiences have you had with being comforted when grieving?

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TLC Leader’s Manual

A photocopy-ready version of the TLC Leader's Manual is now available for download. If you are thinking about starting a Cancer Support Group, this might be helpful!

PDF version

MSWord version

Quote of the moment

"One of the things that we tend to dislike about our feelings is that they are not always rational. We feel things that don’t make logical sense to us. . . But our feelings do not go away simply because we try to dismiss them as irrational. On the contrary, the more we resist them because we don’t want to feel them, the more they seem to lay claim on our attention and our limited energy. "
Juanita Ryan

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